I am depressed that it seems like maybe my best bet is to use some kind of JavaScript. GHC is too slow to compile, especially with all the stack junk, apparently. And Haskell documentation is... poor. Purescript is a 0.x thing and godhell it sure does show. Ocaml is not really very usable just in terms of getting set up, and then I find the whole functor syntax and semantics to be kind of From Hell, let alone the so-called documentation. F# is slow to compile. Frege is slow to compile. Basically, everything seems to just obviously, clearly, blatantly, plainly, bare facedly, painfully, s u c k.